A nearly-dead blog

No, this post is not about patriotism or concerns for my motherland. Rather, it’s on an unusual subject for me to write on. It’s about the locally-brewed liquor (called “Desi” or “Country” in Indian drinker’s parlance).

All my friends and acquaintances will be highly-amused on reading this post, because they know me to be a teetotaler. Worse, I am known to lecture my social-drinker friends, and spoil group-outings by refusing to go anywhere near a bar. Many people wonder where did I get this distaste for alcohol in all existing forms, and people who drink it. Well, here is the reason:

I spent significant part of my childhood in Bastar,  M.P. (now Naxal-infested, and part of Chhattisgarh), where my dad was posted.  Now, Bastar’s native population are “adivasis” (tribals).

These adivasis were then very fond of two things: merriment and mahua (a country liquor brewed from mahua flowers). Now, merriment and drinks are important ingredients for any party, you would agree. And the advasis just knew how to party. Only, it was called mela.

Mela happened this way: there would be a huge gathering in an open space, with a smattering of shops selling cowries, ornaments, eatables (such as ant eggs, a delicacy), and of course mahua. Men and women dressed in their best and adorned with magnificent head-dresses would come from nearby villages to participate. Suddenly some women would break into a song, menfolk would soon join in with their musical instruments, and a huge group dance would start. And as the music reached its crescendo, mahua would start to flow. Little cups (made on-the-spot by leaves) would be filled & refilled with mahua, as the party-goers on a high danced away the night. The party would end late in the night when the party-goers, now too tired and inebriated to stand up, would try to stagger home. There would be many brawls on the way, much shouting, and general nuisance. Many wouldn’t make it home, and make their bed in roadside ditches and fields instead.

It was a common sight following morning to find a stinking, puke-&-pee covered mass of humanity coming to in their respective resting places to find their bearings, and stagger home. I saw many such repeat performances, and it created a lasting impression  on my young mind: “Drinking country liquor is BAD.”

But then, I was wrong. Many years later, when I moved to Mumbai as a young professional, I watched a group of colleagues getting drunk much the same way; only this time it was beer and hard liquor. Next morning while they battled hang-over, I recounted the ruckus they created previous night. When I chided then for drinking so much, one colleague retorted, ”So what should we have had? Country?” ‘Um..no…“, I said, “I think both are the same, both make you make a fool of yourself.”

So folks, I’ve learned my lesson and hope that you’ll too;  that drinking is BAD whether it's country or phoren.

Now, now, don’t roll your eyes saying, “There she goes again…”

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Tomek had a strange profession. He wrote "forwards". Of course they weren't forwards when he originally wrote them.

You must have come across a zillion email forwards until now. Bored friends stuck in offices, lovelorn gf/bfs with nothing better to do, over-zealous ex-colleagues, even spouses and relatives who want to keep in touch, forward you these little time-waster every day. Silly jokes, inspirational stories, tacky graphics and pictures, riddles, appeals for monetary help...anything goes.

Some times you open them and take a look, other times simply delete them. But ever wonder where these forwards originated from or who wrote them? Possibly you'll never know, because an average forward has been forwarded so many times before it reaches you, that the original sender's email ID is truncated long back. And anyways the ID would be fake.

These forwards are written by the likes of Tomek, though such people are very few. Tomek's "profession", like that of extortionist, shooter, hackers, and blackmailers, falls in the "gray" area. Still Tomek considered himself sort of an "artist". After all, it does take a vivid imagination to write the silliest of joke, doctor an image, or put together an inspiration story.

When he's done writing his forwards, he emails them to an address that is an alias to a notorious worldwide mailing list of hackers and malware distributors. In the second phase of the journey, the hackers and malware distributors add their own "wares", which piggy-back Tomek's works to reach your inbox.

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Click here to download:

absurdcomic.pdf (1818 KB)

Here is my maiden effort at making a comic. Just put together this and that, and add some weird on-liner captions :0).

Made with the help of Doctor Who comic maker http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/comicmaker/

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Long ago, when I was in second standard, my school organized a trip the local branch of a nationalized bank. The purpose was to teach us how banks worked and to inculcate the habit of saving in us. Or maybe, it had more to do with getting permissions for the trip. Parents of most of my classmates (and my dad) worked in that bank, and so did a class teacher’s spouse. So arranging a trip to the bank was easier than, say a trip to the post office.


Ergo, one fine day we, 20 kids and couple of teachers shepherding us, trooped into the bank’s branch. The branch manager accompanied us, pointing out the “windows” (counters) where one could open an account, deposit or withdraw cash. We all tried to concentrate on what he was saying, trying to at least look interested, dutifully asking prepared questions whenever prompted by teachers.


But even this dull drab class trip had its high point: a glimpse of the bank “strong room” (vault). Usually, anyone except authorized bank employees is not allowed to go anywhere near the strong room. But since we had those “inside connections”, we were allowed to see it (although entering it was still out-of-question).


So we kids went down a small narrow staircase in single file, and waited with bated breath. Then like a pair of magicians, two bank employees opened the heavy steel door in front of us. Behind that door was a room that resembled a prison cell, with its gray walls and barred gate. And inside the room were lots and lots of currency notes! Some in ordered stacks, some in piles, some were being counted and bundled. There were also sealed boxes and sacks of coins. Wow! Uncle Scrooge’s fantasy (nearly) coming true.


We kids just watched in awe. I remember someone commenting that there was enough money in that room to buy lifelong supply of chocolates and comics for all of the class. I also remember the collective sigh when the steel door was closed again and we were shepherded out. That sight of the strong room was to stay with all of us, especially me, for a long time.


My dad later explained to me, “Ours was a small branch, and we only did a daily business of Rs. 50 lakhs max (roughly $100000). The money you saw in the strong room may not have been much.” Really? But it was a lot of money for a 5-year old kid back then.


That awesome sight gave me a dream and inspiration. I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to own a bank!!! And given the current economical scenario and the condition of banks (the bank dad worked with included), I can realize the dream by simply buying one ;0).

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I was attending a conference recently for the professional in my
field. An event in the conference was an panel discussion on
recession and impending job cuts. The Indian delegate on the panel
talked about layoffs in Indian context and the stigma attached to
them. Another delegate heading an Indian company furiously denied any
plans for layoffs in near future (though I am sure s/he will retract
it pretty soon).
 
Everyone talked about salaries going down and jobs drying up. The
atmosphere was really gloomy, until one delegate from US, who holds a
senior position in a telecom major, spoke. He recounted his own
experience of being laid off less than a decade back!
 
We were surprised to know that he was far below on the ladder from his
current position when he was laid off. He talked about how infuriated
and insulted he felt when the news reached him. He told us how he
walked up to his boss, who was also laid off a few months later, and
gave her a piece of his mind. Then he pointed out that lady, now
owner of a leading solution provider in my field, sitting in the
audience! They are good friends now :-).
 
His story was quite inspiring: how he overcame a phase of self-doubt
post-layoff to start job hunting and learning new skills. How he
learnt what he was capable of, and used his capabilities to the
fullest when the economy stabilized in couple of years. How his
getting fired led to his getting fired-up to aspire and achieve a
better position for himself :-).
 
I am sure lots of people went back from the conference with the hope
that however hard they may fall now, they sure will be able to bounce
back in full force, just like that delegate.

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Circa 2020, a major robot manufacturer company is in final stages of testing its latest product "robot-nanny", a potential fly-off-the-shelf product and answer to numerous working parents' prayers. The "robo-nanny" is very human-like and designed as a pretty young lady. There is very little, apart from her slightly mechanical responses and movements, that can distinguish it from real human nanny. And she is twice as efficient and 10 times safer.
But still there is a glitch.....The young children aren't willing to accept her, they cry every time she comes anywhere near them. Alas! Such a wonderful product with lots of research, time and money invested  in it, would  end up as a failure. No wonder, the CTO of the company is a worried man, a lot is at stake.
He returns home to find his mother visiting him. He mentions the problem to her. His mother listens to him and smiles, "That's pretty simple matter, son. Young children don't accept the robots because robots don't have emotions. Children can't feel safe with anybody or anything that is unable to show they care." The CTO is excited , "Yeah mom! You are right, absolutely right!". And out he rushes to get back to the R&D labs.
Six months later, a new version of "robo-nanny" is launched. This robo-nanny has a few additional features : she can not only express basic human emotions but also understand them. Great! This time this robo-nanny passes all tests. The children are happy with her and so are parents, sure that now their kids will be in safer hand. And, as anticipated, the product is big hit. CTO is happy, company in profit.
But no ...the story doesn't end here....
One year later, the same CTO and company are targets of public outrage and many lawsuits by angry mothers, claiming that the company failed to / or avoided to forewarn consumers of possible "side-effects" of "emo-robo-nanny". Well, it turned out that after dads discovered that their robo-nanny can express and understand human emotions....well....they started having "affairs" with her!!!!!!

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as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.

1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country.  A owned the land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.

2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, now A and C own 1 dollar each while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1 dollar.

* The net asset of the country now = 3 dollars.

3) Now C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the country, and land is non producible asset, its value must definitely go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A, and together with his own 1 dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollars.

*A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B sold his land and got 2 dollars, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollars but with his 1 dollar debt to A, his net residual asset is 1 dollar.
* Thus, the net asset of the country = 4 dollars.

4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted having sold it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed 2 dollars from B and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollars. The payment is by 2 dollars cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of the 1 dollar loan to C. As a result, A now owned a piece of land that is worth 3 dollars. But since he owed B 2 dollars, his net asset is 1 dollar.

* B loaned 2 dollars to A. So his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 5 dollars. A bubble is building up.

(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollars. The payment is by borrowing 2 dollars from C, and cancellation of his 2 dollars loan to A.

* As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollars, but since he has a debt of 2 dollars with C, his net Asset is 2 dollars.
* C loaned 2 dollars to B, so his net asset is 2 dollars.

* The net asset of the country = 6 dollars; even though, the country has only one piece of land and 2 Dollars in circulation.

(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.

(7) One day an evil wind blew, and an evil thought came to C's mind. "Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan. There is only 2 dollars in circulation, and, I think after all the land that B owns is worth at most only 1 dollar, and no more."

(8) A also thought the same way.

(9) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore.

* So, in the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owed C 2 dollars and the land he owned which he thought worth 4 dollars is now 1 dollar. So his net asset is only 1 dollar.
* C has a loan of 2 dollars to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his net asset is still 2 dollars, his Heart is palpitating.
* The net asset of the country = 3 dollars again.

(10) So, who has stolen the 3 dollars from the country? Of course, before the bubble burst B thought his land was worth 4 dollars. Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was 6 dollars on paper. B's net asset is still 2 dollars, his heart is palpitating.

(11) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his 2 dollars bad debt to B, but in return he acquired the land which is worth 1 dollar now.

* A owns the 2 coins; his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B is bankrupt; his net asset is 0 dollar. (He lost everything)
* C got no choice but end up with a land worth only 1 dollar

* the net asset of the country = 3 dollars.

************ **End of the story; BUT ************ ********* ******

There is however a redistribution of wealth.
A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.
A few points worth noting -  

(1) when a bubble is building up, the debt of individuals to one another in a country is also building up.
(2) This story of the island  is a closed system  whereby there is no other country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can only be calculated using the island's own currency. Hence, there is no net loss.
(3) An over-damped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning the land's value did not go down to below 1 dollar.
(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The fellows having the land or extending loan to others are the losers. The asset        could shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.
(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another piece of land but refrains from taking part in the game, he will neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land goes up and down like a see saw.
(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.
(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble, it is worthwhile to borrow money (like A) and take part in the game. But you must know when you should change everything back to cash.
(8) As in the case of land, the above phenomenon applies to stocks as well.
(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depends largely on psychology (or speculation)

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